Month: March 2017

where are my touchstones? they all betrayed me and i betrayed all of them. i haven’t got any friends. i am an island. 

do you ever have those days? those giving up days? the ones where you feel like a 15 year old teenager, gloomy, hopeless? that’s me today. the beautiful part about this blog is that these are my private thoughts and the trolls out there have no voice. so go fuck yourselves. you know who you are. 

my weight loss has stalled. 21 days now at the same weight. it happened much sooner than i had hoped. it’s not a partial stall, it’s a complete stall. shit. i have several, large, confounding variables to consider. 1) i started taking fluoxetine, a glucocorticoid which can cause weight gain. 2) i started working out every day instead of once or twice per week. the gain in lean muscle mass is very noticeable so it could be simply that my body is converting fat into muscle. 3) i’ve not been as good with my diet as i could be OR i may have triggered metabolic starvation mode with my diet. 5) stress at work and home. the dog went through a rough patch and nearly died. she is ok now. 6) i’m actually drinking more water than i used to. maybe it’s too much. there was one day when i weighed in 2.5 pounds below my static weight, after taking a 2 hour long bath. maybe my body is simply storing water weight. 7) maybe i’m not tracking my calories as well as i should. 8) maybe through diet, i altered my microbiome to the point that it can’t metabolize enough calories or it metabolizes too much fiber and allows my body to absorb them. summary) there are too many variables. i need to pick one and test it strictly by itself for 3 weeks. weighing all the evidence and picking the one i think will be most beneficial and that i can control most easily, i choose #6. i will go down from 128 ounces of water per day to 64 ounces per day for the next 21 days starting tomorrow. 

destiny is prognosticaion. destiny says that you can’t change the future because it’s already set. fate is not that. fate is when you’re standing at the end of your life looking back at the events that have already happened. i don’t believe in destiny, but i do believe in fate. i also believe fate cannot be changed, except through lies. but facts don’t lie. liars lie. my fate is not set yet — not until that final moment when all the electrochemical energy in my body no longer belongs to me. 

i won’t say 2017 is the year of the electric car quite yet because there are a few new model releases that have to happen first (model 3, ioniq, leaf gen 2) but i do predict that 2018 will be the year of the electric car. it will certainly be helped by the fact that a very well loved pope just got one – a nissan leaf – and turned down the model s.