the darkness is one thing. there is a certain anxiety living in me about it. in some ways, however, the place where there is no life offers respite and rest. darkness is a metaphor. if the most fundamental tendency of all matter and energy in the universe is entropy, then darkness is the ultimate fate of all things. there is a certain calmness in that.
chaos, on the other hand, is not calmness. it’s not darkness. it’s everything, all matter and energy, in unorganized motion; frenzy; velocities, momenta, speeds and accelerations of differing intensities, different directions, different vectors; opposite, equal, unpredictable. forces which pull, forces pushing, pulsing, snarling, gnashing; unknowns, knowns; competition, cooperation, community, divisiveness; instability, stability; love, hate; it’s all a jumble.
entropy will overcome chaos, and darkness will overcome entropy. that is the way of things. living things have a dual nature. on the one hand, they want to live, which requires using massive amounts of energy to construct defenses against entropy. in that battle is the chaos. it comes in waves, bursts; sometimes it’s creative, sometimes it’s destructive.
dear me, what’s your advice to me? sincerely, me.
dear me, steel yourself. harden yourself. put on your armor. hold on to something. it’s hurricane season. it’s earthquake season. it’s natural disaster season. it’s the season of civil war. it’s the season of revolution. it’s the season of destruction. no one is there for you. no one is going to save you. there’s no net. you’re going to plummet. grow wings. build wings. fly. fly away. save what you can. sincerely, me.
epilogue. understood. 10-4 good buddy. strapping on my boots and my leather jacket and my hat and my tote full of survival gear and medicines; preparing for this whatever this is. adventure? perhaps. excitement? perhaps. motherfucking roller coaster of emotions and situations? definitely. i am utzi, right now. i hope they don’t betray me, but i expect they will. i expect when i reach the top of the mountain, my enemies will shoot me full of arrows and stab me in the back. who are my enemies? as always, they are the people closest to me, the ones who do their damnedest to convince we they are my loved ones.
oh. and one more bit of advice. don’t bother telling anyone. they won’t believe it anyway. they never do. never. you’ve learned that lesson.