Author: the philosopher king

i don’t have to be nice

i don’t have to be nice here. it’s my vent. it’s my personal journal. i don’t care what you think here. go away. now. as for me. i’m going to vent all my shit here. i’ll have a better persona. carl, i still love you but the lust is gone. craig, i apologized but fuck you for not apologizing back. mark, have you lost your fucking mind? marc, you’re a flake. millenials: go to hell you self centered shitheads. okay, enough venting. i feel better. 

depression has stabilized

this depression has stabilized. xanax helped a bit. mostly it was time and being calm … perhaps a bit of and letting go of some people and some anxieties. i still have excessively high expectations of people. letting go of some efficiency helps with that. but how can i operate at a high level and not have high expectations of other people? quandary…

realization

that moment you realize he was interested in you only because he predicted you couldn’t possibly become interested in him beyond the basic plowjob. it’s okay, dude. you are trapped in your life at this point. and that last chance that slipped away? it’s going to keep slipping away until the day you die, broken hearted and unfulfilled. that’s human nature. the hunger is never satisfied.

flip side of the coin

the flip side of the coin is that i’m majorly depressed. i hate my relationship with my partner. i hate my coworkers. i hate my family. i hate my friends. i can’t sleep. i suspect i got a batch batch of decaf coffee. i lack all manner of self control, yet i don’t want to take a benadryl to sleep. if i don’t go to sleep soon, i will have a fucking shit day tomorrow. natural born breeders? i think it’s worth $5, probably. and fuck it. i’m taking a benadryl. i need sleep more than i need self control.