Author: the philosopher king

i met a cub. we had a 3 day love affair. it was amazing and perfect. now he is gone, back to chicago. 

epiphany. that guy lives alone in myth and memory. 

listening to old music. dark place. 

the recession began today. it’s all downhill for the great oompah loompah. 

mark merlis, novelist, gay man, health care professional, died this month at the age of 67. i have a personal email from him dated almost 10 years ago today. very sad that he is gone. he was a good writer. i still need to find more of his books. 

austrian superiority. i suppose this is logical since they (or their nearly as identity-free neighbors) birthed the most notorious nightmares in history: marx, engels, hitler, wolfgang puck. don’t get sick there. DO NOT get sick there on a sunday. you will die. for a supposedly civilized country, i find this abhorrent. i also find it abhorrent that they refuse to serve water in restaurants and cafes. they insist you drink nasty, deadly unfiltered beer and unfiltered wine. try shitting and vomiting that stuff out for 3 days. also, they are happy to let you drink yourself to death and smoke yourself (and everyone else around you as well) to death, but ask for water or pepto bismol and you will quickly find yourself shittng and vomiting on every cigarette ashen park bench in the labyrinthine city. disgusting. yay! austrian superiority! but they swear they aren’t nazi’s and never were. interesting how every german city and vienna’s twin city budapest were leveled but somehow this sarlac pit of humanity survived. 

this town is the worst. vienna sucks. worst city in europe. it’s ugly. it stinks. every person is rude. the sights can’t be seen because of the ugly power lines everywhere. it’s an ugly maze with ugly buildings. and austrian supremacy is so revolting. no wonder hitler came from here. 

ever notice how there are just some people who say no to everything? they can’t fucking communicate. simple things. they stop the show. how are you. meh – i’m on my third glass of wine. i’m sorry you’re feeling down. I’M NOT DOWN. oh okay – bye felicia.  

i feel good today. some of my relationships are shot. others are thriving. i am ok with that. some people are toxic and it’s ok to shed the skin, metaphorically. i’m still on my body plan. my goals are still in play. i hover between 190 and 191. for the sake of simplicity, i have lot 52 pounds. i have also started to see tons of definition. my final weight loss goal is 180 and i hope to make that my december 1. my simultaneous goal at that point is 17% body fat. i currently have about 41 pounds of body fat and hope to get that down to 30 pounds. from that point forward, i hope to start increasing my musculature without reducing fat in pounds. i may never reach these body fat goals if i continue to increase musculature. if i somehow managed to gain 1 pound of muscle per month, then i will never drop lower than 185. we shall see. 

not much in the way of intellect in this post, i’m afraid. the relationships are swirling around the drain again. i fee terrible. am i ready to grasp my basic malfunction? can i correct it? or am i irreparably damaged? i am arrogant. i am aloof. i am all those things to hide my broken parts. but sometimes people see the broken parts anyway. they back away and stay away. it’s my cycle. it’s my pattern. bye, sam. another one bites the dust.