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carnelian. the danish prince. the many johns. the silver tongued man of the church of bacon. the many from tennessee. the fat lady. the diver. the karaoke singer. the pretty, tattooed bear. the man with the bent face. the vagina and her rock star. the classy gentleman with the sequined blouse. colonel sanders. the roper and the climber and his mother.

at first, i put millennials in the title of this post. but that’s not fair. it’s true: that shit-covered generation can’t tell the difference. but it’s not exclusive. there are large numbers of individuals and sub-groups in all generations who can’t tell the difference between creation and imagination. i wondered if it were a language problem. it takes me back to the whorf-sapir hypothesis: language influences culture. in my opinion, it’s a feedback loop: language influences culture and culture influences language. what’s more true today than ever before, i suppose, is that language is being used manipulatively to influence culture in conjunction with dozens of other “nudges.” yes, it’s being done on purpose by capitalists to exploit weaknesses in the market systems. should i be angry with these idiots? yes. they’re destroying themselves, their culture, our civilization and humanity. idiots.

i don’t normally do this but this year i am doing it. because. reasons. in no particular order.

• cope with stress. this one is obviously very abstract. the major cause of my stress is people interfering with my processes. let people be themselves. we are primates, and by definition, our evolutionary survival mechanism has been the guerrilla attack and hiding out. let people do that, but build psychological (and sometimes physical) defenses that allow people to express their emotions without harming me or my capital. stop being so sensitive. build a thicker skin. construct more personas. hide more fetishes that could be the object of attacks. empathize, pity, show mercy, forgive, gently rebuff.
• intermediate fasting for the entire month of january, save for vacation. clearly this one is more practical. this is cutting.
• stick to my diet the rest of the year. the diet and the volume training has been working. keep it up. bear mode is over. bulking is over. time to return to clean bulking.
• spend less, do more with less. stop shopping. find cheaper ways to do retail therapy. use more of what you have, or find it more cheaply. find joy in experiences, not in possessions.
• stick to the habit tracker more diligently.

none of these are easy. i prefer a challenging life because it rewards me with meaningful experiences.

aw. did twavis wavis get his little feelings hurted? aw maybe he should do some work every now and then instead of spending all his time on facebook and then maybe the big bad mean old world wouldn’t tweat him like a little piece of shit. aw.

strange and sometimes savage irony: to fight the dark side, one must wield its weapons in the mind. problem is, how to get the weapons into the mind without practicing with the weapons, strategies and tactics of the dark side?

clickbait? no fucking way. fuck off. they are probably in the “me” phase. their “me” phase is deeper, uglier and more unstable than ours. will it serve them well or will it bring about the end of the world? stay tuned for the conclusion of the ripple effect.

for a long while i was thinking that the new pre-workout mix had some funky ingredients that weren’t entirely compatible with my body. i still think that might play a factor. however, what i think is the larger factor is that my body has adapted to the ingredients in both the new pre-workout and the old pre-workout. they are essentially the same. i started noticing about 2 months before the old pre-workout ran out that i was experiencing lots of disruptions. i have slowly been changing the mix of my other supplements, specifically by reducing them for the most part. there are also external variables putting pressure on the system, specifically work and life stresses, changes in workout habits and changes in nutrition. overall there are too many variables to juggle. the biggest side effect is the lack of the ability to sleep effectively. 5-7 hours of sleep is simply not acceptable. lying in bed for 3 hours before sleeping and then only sleeping for 5 hours is not acceptable. too many variables and too little sleep makes me very very cranky. so i’m going to reduce the number of variables and push back and give less quarter to the stressful people in my life. everything was going so well. this is typical. external and internal forces are fighting for control. this time, i’m maintaining control. i’m getting hold of my emotional state. this is just like a hurricane. the winds are blowing. stop feeding the hurricane and let it pass. the river is raging. lets the waters subside. you’ve got plans. revise them as necessary. don’t throw them out. don’t panic. don’t get scared. don’t let fear take hold. drop the pre-workout. it’s the most likely candidate causing the lack of sleep. okay? okay. no more pre-workout. keep everything else the same. keep going to the gym. get hold of the diet. this is your conscience. this is your voice of control. this is the voice of reason. it’s okay to trust me. i’ve always been here. you just couldn’t hear me over the sound of the blowing winds. those awful coworkers have always been awful. they will continue to be awful. calm. calm. keep calm. it’s going to be okay. no more pre-workout. more sleep. no more nervous twitching. release the anxiety. release the chemical fear. it’s okay. go back to sleep. get some rest. calm. no more pre-workout.

keep it inside. keep it bottled inside. keep it buried inside. keep it safe. keep it secret. keep it hidden. when they ask just say it’s none of their business. keep it work related and nothing else. keep the energy vampires starving. keep the gossip vampires weak and hungry. keep giving them the look. keep smiling. keep smiling. keep smiling. keep resisting the manipulation. keep the anger deep deep deep. keep punching the punching bag. keep wearing the mask. keep the persona fresh. keep up with the routine on the face of things. keep making alterations and modifications. keep strength strong. keep tacking into the wind. keep saying goodbye when they quit or give up. keep your territory. keep pretending. keep smiling. keep nodding. keep making these leeches drink their own blood. keep it inside.

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there is no point in telling the apologizers and the liars about the correlation of 1 because the apologizer is the liar and the liar is the apologizer.