the philosopher king

you should all just jump off a bridge today. you can’t lead, you can’t follow, and i’m surprised you can get your asses clean when you wipe. 

so i did make my december goal. kinda blew it out of the water. i was afraid i wouldn’t because of the holidays and all the cheating. i think on the morning of jan 1 i hit 219.9, compared to my goal of 221.5. i’m very happy about that. my goal for january is 215.5. i’m hoping to hit that and beat it by 2 pounds. i’d like to be 213 flat when i go to international bear convergence on february 7. imagine, going to IBC and trying to lose weight. it’s not so stupid. i am planning on losing a lot of fat and then start serious powerlifting with proper nutrition. i’m hoping to start doing this program around 200 lbs (end of march). from that point on, i will ty to power lift 6 days per week and swap out 20 more pounds of fat for 20 pounds of muscle. i would like to reach that goal by the time i go to europe on august 10. it’s a lot of work, but i know i can accomplish it if i put my discipline into it and set the goals strictly. until i hit my 200 pound weight, i will continue to pull less than 2000 calories per day net average and do aggressive cardio workouts. 

i hit my weight loss goal for december and just in the knick of time. there are only 3 days to spare. i’m not sure how many months i can keep up this pace — it’s very rigorous. i hope to lose a total of 40 pounds in 7 months. so far i’m at 19 pounds in 3 months so it looks feasible. i know i’ll hit a plateau soon, but when? when i hit that plateau for more than 4 weeks, i plan on switching to muscle-gain mode by increasing my gym activity and powerlifting skills. 

no. more than that. i hate this day more than any other day of the year. 

i hate this holiday with every joule of my soul. crazy people everywhere, destroying all that is rational and reasonable. children throwing shit at children. piles of worthless merchandise. i wish i could return it all. 

i’m going to die with a knife in my back. 

you complain because you want attention. once you get the attention, you switch tracks repeatedly to keep us on our toes with our eyes focused squarely on you. you’re not that fucking interesting. life goes on, and i’m moving on. 

once in a while i have this recurring dream in which some part of my body has finally decided to grow the matte of fur i have always dreamed of. i always wake up, thrilled to be a hairy person. today it was my chest and belly in the dream. it took me always 15 minutes of wakefulness to realize it was just a dream. it makes me sad. 

i believe in description not proscription. don’t tell me what the english language is or isn’t based on some rules that were made up hundreds of years ago or by the elite of the english intelligentsia. that’s absurdly controlling behavior that you picked up from people who wanted to control you. what’s much more efficient and expedient and useful is to observe how the language around you gets used and code shift with ease. be an english aristocrat or a country bumpkin. if you want to control people, it is demonstrably more effective to coordinate with them that it is to dominate them. or better yet, keep all the tools in your belt and employ them effectively and protemporaneously. 

this will ring true but you will fight it nonetheless. no one will remember the duration. of your life, the duration of their time with you, or even the duration of a vacation. daniel kahnemann has aged pyro to prove and succeeded for better or worse at determining what really matters. we do not remember experiences. we remember peak moments and we tend to only remember moments at the end of a prototypical experience. see, we don’t have the memory capacity to remember an entire experience. this is why you must do something wonderful and dramatic at the end of every prototypical experience. people will not remember your life of happiness and joy. they will only remember that you died of cancer and suffered the last year of your life.